He would be 49...

Today would be my dad's 49th birthday. It's hard to believe its been 3 brithday's since I've seen him. It just doesn't seem real some days. I miss him like crazy.

My dad was the most caring and unselfish person I know. He would give anyone the shirt off his back. He enjoyed helping people. It's one of the things he did best. He loved us girls, that I know for sure. He always wanted the best for us and worked so hard to get it. I remember when he used to race cars. I loved to watch him. I was so proud that he was my dad. He always went out of his way to make us feel special. He always got us special Valentine's gifts - he always made sure we knew we were his Valentines. He would even make us toast in the shape of a heart. I remember all the breakups I had and how he always knew how to pick up the pieces. He always made sure our birthday was our day - and we got to do anything we wanted. He loved to watch us play sports. I can see him now standing at the fence saying "Come on sis, you can do it." He was always so positive - always made sure that win or lose I knew he was proud of me. He would work for hours with me - he would make me pitch in the front yard over and over and over until finally it was too dark to see the ball and we'd have to go in. He'd stand in the driveway and rebound my free-throws until I thought my arm would fall off. And he'd always walk me over to Irons to retrieve my tennis balls. Skill wise, I was way better than my dad at tennis, he'd never even picked up a racket before me - but I never beat that guy on the tennis court. And who can forget the way he walked through the gates of Coronado High School saying "Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Coronado". It was just him - his trademark. Or the time I shot the winning basket in the last 10 seconds of the Irons vs. Frenship game? That night, he announced to the whole church that I was the star of the team.....He was always hard on us, and sometimes I thought he expected too much, but I am so glad he chose to love us the way he did. And now, as a parent, I realize, he wasn't too hard on us, he just loved us and wanted the best for us. I'll never forget the way he called me "sissy", even when I was 25 and getting married. I was and will always be his little girl. He always made sure I had what I wanted - he was the best dad. I was and still am scared of the rain and thunderstorms. He never made me feel like a wuss, but rather was glad I still needed him to feel safe. I remember when he cried and cried the day I moved out to go to college. Even though it was just across town, it was forever away from him. And when I moved to Midland to start my career - I remember him standing by my TV in my apartment just crying. He hugged me so tight that day. He used to call every Sunday at 8. That was our time to talk - without fail, Sunday at 8, my dad would call me. I miss hearing him answer the phone....he would always say "Hellllllllllllllllllllllo Tiffany".

He loved my mom. I know that for sure. He loved her with everything he had in her. She was his world - and she came first. Never have I been witness to such an amazing marriage. They weren't just husband and wife, but best friends. It's amazing that they found and married each other at 17 - so many times they could've given up, because at 17 and on your own, life is hard. But they had so much love....It was neat to see them renew their vows the summer before he died. He loved her and hated to leave her. I think that is what scared him most, leaving my mom.

But above any memory I have of my dad, the thing that stands out the most is how Godly he was. Ever since I can remember, he had a prayer partner that he prayed over the phone with every morning. I used to sit right outside the door when he was praying and listen to him. Every morning they would pray for all of us girls (Wayne had 3 girls of his own). They would pray for us and our safety and pray that God would lead us to the man who would eventually lead our families. He prayed about everything - even after he got sick - he prayed that God's will would be done with his life.

I don't understand why God would choose to take him at 46 years old. I don't understand how my son can say "PawPaw" but never know who his PawPaw was. I don't understand why our family lived watching him suffer to wake up everyday for 2 LONG years. I don't understand and I wish I knew the answers - I wish God could reveal his plan to me. But even if I knew the answer, it wouldn't change the fact that he's not here.

Sometimes the simplest things remind me of him. I still get angry when I think about what I've lost. And the more I think about my dad, I don't miss him for me, I miss him for Reese. My dad would've been an amazing grandfather. He loved those boys even before they were born - even before they existed. I want Reese to understand just how great of a man he was - and I hope and pray Reese is just like him.....

So Happy 49th Birthday Daddy.....I love and miss you more everyday.....